How many of us have read magazine articles about folks who have been lead up the garden path romantically and thought “there for the grace of buddha/the goddess go I” ?
Go on admit it we all have and then wondered how they could be so gullable? Quite easily as it happens. Sadly I have been duped by someone recently and am kicking myself for being taken in so easily.
A few short weeks ago I started a relationship of sorts with a man who seemed too good to be true. Funny, warm, interested in what I had to say great eh? We spent a weekend together and laughed talked enjoyed each others company so far so good. He returned home and the banter continued and there was talk of me travelling to see him. Alarm bells should have started to go when that was recieved with an cool response but I dropped the matter, early days and all that. So within 2 weeks  I recieved a “Dear Shona” email don’t want a relationship blah blah we live too far apart blah blah… I was gutted but not upset well not that upset truth be told but I’m not a daft wee lassie to pine anymore, in fact I’ve womaned up!! But recent events on the twittersphere have proved that this “lovely warm caring” guy is a liar im the purest sense of the word. I’m not the only person who has fallen prey to this man. At this time I’m rattled and angry that I’ve been taken for a fool. Thankfully I have good friends who have guided me through the convaluted details of his latest victim who sadly was more affected by his actions. My sympathies are with her and I hope that she comes out of this a better and stronger person.
Has this put me off internet dating? Yes for a while at least. I was also on the verge of leaving my beloved twitty because of all of this, but (un)common sense has prevailed!! I will tweet with my usual level of insanity as normal you will be happy/dismayed (delete where applicable) to know.
Perhaps I’m too trusting and take people at face value but thats the way I am and I don’t think I can change that but I will certainly be much more wary of people. I hope that my twitty experience is still going to be fun and that due to this “Walter Mitty” I don’t lose too many friends. 
If by some strange twist  the man involved sees this I have one thing to say, karma baby!

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After a bout great mehness and a stinking cold/chill I took a wee road trip with my best friend Claire to Pitlochry. We visited an old school friend of Claires’ that she hadn’t seen for 20
years and as I had cancelled a “naughty knicker party” in my malaise Claire asked me if I wanted to go along, I jumped at the chance. I hadn’t been to Pitlochry in years *has daft expression on face* went with on a dirty weekend with a bloke I was seeing way back then! Never telling that story, so don’t ask!!!!!
We headed north around 9ish and got to our destination just after 10.30pm to be greeted by Vashti & her daughter Emily. Bearing in mind this is a friend from “back in ‘Nam” as Claire says that didn’t know me from Edna we were greeted with squealing, laughter & huge hugs. I hope I don’t come across as too hippydippy but the moment I stepped into the house I felt I was supposed to be there. I should add Claire brought her youngest daughter with her to meet Vashti & Emily,her daughter’s name is Emily (possibilities for confusion dispensed with as they were quickly named Wee Emily & Big Emily or by late yesterday Emily 1 and 2.)
Tea’s Coffee’s & a voddie & bru for the hostess sorted. the business of Claire & Vashti reconnecting properly began. Cue more laughter & do you remember….? it was a privilege to see these women just fall into their friendship as though they had seen each other just the week before. I always marvel at the way true friendships pick up as if there had been no break in communication so naturally and unforced.
During the getting to know you conversations I found that Vashti was not just A Buffy & Angel obsessive ( like moi) she was also a Wiccan (something I have a great affinity to as a spiritual base) and she is teaching her gorgeous wee girl the old ways too! )O( Blessed be the Goddess in my heart sang at that news!!! )O(
During the conversation it turns out that both Vashti & Claire have psychic gifts. The energy being thrown out by them was intense, it was almost palpable. Hairs on back of neck, goosebump raising but not at all scarey. You may not believe in these things but I do and it was incredible.
Claire gave me a healing by laying on of hands on a problem area I have and it has helped it greatly then out of the ether she said “Your mum says to stop beating your self up about whats happened the last 2 years”. That hit me for six and I fled the room! Again you can be sceptical if you wish but the way it was said and the expression on her face meant I knew it was true it was my mum looking at me right. There were tears so many tears but the relief and joy that it brought to me is indescribable.
The most important person to me told me that she cared even if she wasn’t with me any more!! You really don’t know what that means to me. Once I got my head ( and heart) round that and I returned to the kitchen Vashti also had a message for me, boy the spirit world was giving me an asswhupping that night! My reaction wasn’t so extreme but the peace that it gave me was wonderful. So you can see why I said it felt like I was supposed to be there when I arrived.
If the title of this post has puzzled you it’s a Robert Burns poem and as family we all love the Highlands especially mama & papa Stewart.

and breathe….

I can relax again, mentally and bodily relax. For two reasons the first being I’m free of Dementors. My patronus worked at last! It took the corporeal form of a new sim card for my phone, but at least I dont have to dread the text symbol appear anymore. Ironically when I went to purchase said sim card I did spot her waiting to cross the road. Even stranger was after frankly abusive and childish texts from 2 days earlier, she discovered her shoes were infinately more fascinating than anything else. Go figure!
The second reason I am able to relax is that the housing bods at my L.A. have decided that I can remain in my flat for a while longer. Up to nine months if not longer than that. I wept at that news yesterday. Big honest to goodness tears of joy and relief. So a bit of security and breathing space for me to get my life in order.
Oh and I am going to a gig next month, all by myself never done that before. Eek!
… and breathe…

So gentle reader where was I? Ah yes, Toxic Friends, those people who hang around you and manage to ebb the fun or joy from your life. Infact they are very like dementors from the Harry Potter world, only conjuring a Patronus doesn’t work (believe me I’ve tried!)
Some of my twitty friends have read me rant moan or just Grrrrr about my Dementor and on the eve of my lovely friends funeral I had an epiphany of sorts. I’ll rewind a bit for you to explain why that happened.
Sunday 19th of June I had just received the horrible news about Derek and Shona (ironic her name’s the same as mine) called me for her weekly litany of boredom. I told a white lie and hung up on her. I said I was awaiting a call from my sister as had left her a message to call me back. Still couldn’t get her of the phone hence the hang up! So fast forward to Tuesday night, I get a series of texts from her effectively telling me that my problems were nothing to hers and she didn’t want to hear my “shit” but she wanted me to listen to hers! Normally I would have called her & let her know what I thought of her remarks but I knew that would have upset me further and to be perfectly honest I didn’t/don’t need that in my life. Number blocked and a request for her to delete mine was sent.Sofar so good haven’t had any more texts and I had the opportunity share my grief with true friends on Wednesday.

 Lets hope I’m detoxed once & for all!

Love & Majicks Derek

WW xxx

So friends eh? We all have them whether cyber or IRL and they will support you or give you a kick up the jacksie when needed, but thats what they do and we love them for it. Recent events in my life have made me realise how valuable they are I would go as far as saying that I’m blessed by mine.
Today saw me don sombre clothes and sit in a small chapel at a crematorium to bid farewell to a dear friend. The same friend who gave me my nickname Lady Willow (which was transformed into WadyWiwwow by a few “catering measures” of wodka.) Derek was a wonderful man who I will miss dearly and my life will be less colourful now he’s gone.
So for all the truly wonderful and loving friends there always seems to be one who isnt one of those. Toxic I’d call them. You know who I mean, the friend who asks how are you then doesn’t listen to a single word of what you say. The one who will launch into their woes. Sadly they are the ones who dont take the hint and crawl back under the stone where they belong.

Earlier today posted a picture on twitty of my meds for my depression and thought I’d write a little about my black canine companion.
I suppose I’ve had depression for around 15 years to some degree or other, and I have coped with it fairly well until 6 years ago.
This is longest that I have been on medication and I know that it has helped me to continue to function fairly well.
Six years ago I sadly lost my lovely parents within a few months of one another. A difficult time for both me and my siblings of course but we supported each other through the whole process of grieving. Admittedly my gp prescribed anti-depressants but I never actually took any. “I’m stronger than that, I can do this without tablets” was my reasoning for not taking them. But with that 20/20 vision hindsight gives you BIG MISTAKE not one of my best ideas! (believe me I have many daft ideas!)

So I reluctantly started on my daily dosage of Citaloprom and after a while the freak outs and uncontrollable weeping stopped. (When I say weeping I mean tears just streaming down my face silently and at odd moments like washing dishes after a meal.) I didn’t really do my job properly & after several warnings my employer let me go. I let things slip and fell behind on rent & bills end result I lost what had been the home I’d grown up in. So I found myself homeless as neither of my siblings were in a position to let me live with them. A couple of months in a unit filled with alcoholics drug addicts and others with mental health issues went by and I was offered a flat to myself in an area I didn’t know. Stupidly I took the flat and from that moment my mental and physical health suffered massively.

15th December 2008 I answered the door to a gas board inspector I asked him to call an ambulance and promptly fainted at his feet. Sounds funny and I can admit to giggling a little at the thought of falling at a strangers feet but it wasn’t. I hadn’t eaten properly in nearly two months I barely got out of bed, let alone washed myself or cared about anything. Oddly I never wanted to end it all. I couldn’t breathe and felt like I had a stone pressing on my chest. I was seriously ill vomiting nothing but my stomach lining. Thankfully this man saved my life and called for an ambulance and waited with me til the paramedics arrived. I was admitted to hospital with the malnutrition a severe kidney infection and seriously low blood pressure.  For those who know me in RL (real life) I’m not a skinny minny by any stretch of the imagination. Curves in the right places and one or two  in the wrong is how I am now. Back then I was 8 stone, a weight I hadn’t been since my mid teens. Not a pretty sight I can tell you!

Willow's little helper

I spent a week in hospital being watched like a hawk to make sure I was eating my meals having daily blood tests & recieving amazing care from the nurses (one of whom made nightime rummages in other parts of the ward for reading material for me!) I still was terrified of going back to the flat and told my sister this I wanted out of there and fast! I was so scared in fact I had a full blown panic attack and the Shrink came to talk to me making sure my medication was increased to the 40mg I’m still on today.

Something always seems to knock me off my feet when my meds review happens and that’s why I’m still on that dosage now. But I know that it’s helping me maintain a level of normality that I can go about my life on a day to day basis.

Oh and the flat dear reader? I moved from there to my “home” are within a couple of months thanks to a great support worker who really faught my corner.

So here I am with my blog. Apologies if it’s a tad scrappy, but I’m new to this.
I’ve toyed with the idea of a blog for sometime and always found a way of delaying it, but recent happenings have given me the push in this direction. (More on that in future posts I think.)
So who is The Lady Willow? I suppose she’s my internal voice, hopefully an eloquent one! I’m a regular inhabitant of the “Twittersphere” and an dabbler into Facebook. Twitter or twitty as I call it is where I converse, joke and sometimes rant on a daily basis on a number of subjects. These I will probably post about as time goes on. So if you wish to take this journey with me, fall in step beside me and try not to mind if I stumble a bit. I am a clumsy besom.
Love & Majicks the lady willow